Sharing Yourself

"Sharing yourself is always better than not sharing yourself (within safe confines)."

- Dr. David Hilfiker

Joseph's House was founded by Dr. David Hilfiker. At the time, David was practicing medicine at Christ House, a residential medical facility for those who are homeless. He noticed that many of his patients were not only homeless, but alo suffering from HIV/AIDS. He saw a need for a place of both healing and community. Joseph's House, just around the corner from Christ House, became that place.

I am still a bit star-struck by David. If he had not been brave enough to listen to the calling that inspired Joseph's House I would not be where I am right now in my life. You can feel David's intelligence and passion when you are with him. He practiced medicine for nearly two decades, has written extensively on issues of social justice, and teaches classes - one on urban poverty in which I am in now. I am walking in a legacy that David created. His brilliance and compassion has very literally changed my life.

A few weeks ago, David very honestly shared with his wide network of friends, acquaintances, and colleagues through an e-mail his experience so far of having Alzheimer's disease. Today, at the Joseph's House staff meeting, he spoke about how the disease is changing his relationship with his sense of identity. Throughout his entire life, David has identified as an intellectual. So much of his success has been based on his mental prowess. He took pride in this, established a life through this, created good because of this. Now things are different. Now this man who I admire so, so much is literally losing his mind - and he is in tune with himself well enough to know it. Furthermore, he is embracing this process that many people fight. He is letting go of the identity he gave himself and is allowing himself to be more than he ever realized he could be.

As someone who has also self-identified as an intellectual throughout my life, David's situation scares me. The thought of forgetting memories, loved ones, and then myself is terrifying. Yet David says that this is the happiest time of his life. That he feels both freedom and beloved. He is documenting his disease through his blog, sharing what is most vulnerable in order to create a space for something sacred. David says that he is not courageous in his choosing to share his personal loss so openly, but he accepted when my staff insisted that he was being generous. Wonderfully generous in letting us into his life to experience with him something so new, intimidating, and real.

Alzheimer's disease takes a lot away, both from the person losing cognitive function and from the people around him or her. Yet many people note that relationships do not disappear. Memories and details may be forgotten, but love still remains. How miraculous are humans that our minds may lose strength but our hearts do not? It made me think, if I was to get Alzheimer's today, what loves would my heart remember? What relationships would sustain what my brain no longer could?

I am aware that I am learning things at a very young age that some people never learn. How not to fear disease and loss. How not to cling tightly to things that were never mine to keep. How to be gentle with myself. Today I am thankful for the many loving, life-giving relationships that have brought me here and to David for continuing to leave a legacy of courage (even though he would never agree to that) and peace for me and everyone who is touched by Joseph's House.